http://www.cfguitar.net/nirvana/pic0/k19.jpg
十一、本色
1993年2月下旬，涅磐飞往明尼苏达州，着手下一张专辑的录制。这一次同他们合作的制作人是Steve Alibini，此人素有独立音乐界的斯大林之称，但对音乐的理解和Kurt却接近，他不准备将这张专辑做成和Nevermind一个风格，他认为“那是公司和制作人想要的声音，不是乐队的声音。”但当他初见涅磐时，以为他们又是一个颐指气使的摇滚暴发。但几天之后，他认识了真正的Kurt，开始对他们悻悻相惜。整张唱片几乎没有经过电子处理，充满了自然的声音。这或许和当时席卷地下的Lo-Fi风潮有关，但这的确本来即是涅磐一直追求的声音。他们要证明，除了虚假的录音和制作手段之外，还有着另一种好音乐。
当小样被带到公司，老板们根本就不能接受它。Kurt不准备让步，他要保持本色。他知道这样唱片将不会有Nevermind那样的畅销，但涅磐坚信这是一张超过以往的专辑。“没有Nevermind之前就听涅磐的75000歌迷会喜欢的，甚至超过对Nevermind的程度。”Dave如是说。
4月底，Kurt突然感到新专辑不大对劲，他说：“我不知道怎么回事，可我听它时不如Nevermind那么动情。当我听Nevermind时，我讨厌它的制作，但其中有些东西时时让我动情。可是听到这张唱片，我都不动感情。”
新专辑开始请其他数码大师处理。Kurt的内心到底在想什么？
5月份，录制了Sliver的MTV，不久成为冠军。
9月，众人翘首以待的新专辑终于先在英国、然后在美国发行了。开始Kurt想将专辑取名为I hate myself and i want to die，这句话是他用来回答问及下一步打算作什么的标准答案。连Krist都认为“这也忒狠了点，小子们会照办，而我们会被起诉。”最后终于被更名为In Utero。
10月，涅磐开始了两年来第一次全国巡演。巡演中乐队请来了已为第二吉他手，The Germs乐队的Pat Smear。同时还有一位大提琴手Lori Goldston。他们让涅磐的音乐的到了更丰满的效果。Kurt其实是喜欢于他的听众在演出中交流的，当他全身心的投入到他所爱的音乐中时，他感受到了一切：“那是一种我所经历过的所有感情的混合，那是愤怒，那是死亡，那是整个的狂喜，就像我还是个无忧无虑的小孩向警察扔块石头后跑开时那么快活。”
10月18日在MTV台的“不插电”演唱会给我们留下了刻骨铭心之音。舞台上布满了鲜花，Kurt轻松而温柔，但他在这种安详中最深切的表露了自己的内心，他矛盾，偏激，真诚而无可奈何。
1994年1月。涅磐在西雅图中心剧场作了一场精彩的演出，不同的是在场的谁都没有想到这将是这个风华正茂的乐队在美国最后一场演出。也就是这个月，公司要求对In Utero的封套设计稍作改动，以便在一些地方能够销售。Kurt答应了，同时将Rape Me这首歌名改成了Waif Me，这样两处作了改动的版本被送往了新加坡，它是世界上唯一查禁In Utero的国家。1月28日，涅磐最后一次共同录制作品小样。几年以来，名声、金钱、不同的音乐追求已将这几个昔日伙伴日渐分离，他们已经表达过想要录制各自作品的打算。Kurt想要搞的是Lo-Fi，并梦想开一家“剥削唱片公司”，“招一邦街头流浪艺人、弱智、残疾、精神病患者在封面上，然后贴上$20的标签，用来剥削买它的收藏家。”
到了这个时候，Kurt的胃病更加严重，1993年已看过几十位医生，但没有人能真正的帮助他。他只有两种方式缓解痛苦：一是服用麻醉性的药剂，二是站在舞台上疯狂嘶吼，用观众沸腾的热情止痛。他坚持认为，他狂热呐喊的起源之处在于他的痛病。“有很多时候都是我坐着吃饭的时候，突然一阵剧痛袭来，别的人自然不会意识到，而我也早就厌烦了抱怨。在巡演时痛的更加频繁，我别无选择，只能继续演出。每次演出之后，我都强迫自己吃东西，咽一点，再喝点水，一会儿又弯着身子呕吐……我曾说过再这样我就会自杀……我再也不想象这样活下去了，这让我精神错乱，我在心理上已经垮了，由于我天天胃痛。”到94年，他已因为生理和心理的问题而形销骨立，身高1米74的他只有55Kg，他的气色糟糕透了。雪上加霜的是，在循规蹈矩了一段时间之后，可能由于自去年3月法院判定他们有权抚养Frances之后他放松了意志，他又开始沾染禁药。这次是Courtney坚持不让他再自我毁灭下去。他终于找到一种合法而有效的止痛剂来缓解他的胃痛，这也使他能脱离禁药的诱惑。
1994年2月5日他们开始了又一次的欧洲巡演。再巡演到法国时，Kurt竟罕有的失声了。2月27日，在德国的慕尼黑，按预定计划的又一场演出。这场演出似乎没有什么特殊之处，但进行到一半时，Kurt又一次失声了。此时还只完成了预定中的15场，还有23场未完成。
这是Kurt，也是涅磐在这个世界上的最后一场演出。
3月4日，带着女儿从美国飞来的Courtney和Kurt住在了一起。第二天早上，她发现Kurt不省人事，他吞服了近50粒安眠药片。他当即被送往一家著名的医院抢救，经过20小时的昏迷他苏醒了。3天后他获准出院。
多数人都认为这是一场事故。公司否认此事件是Kurt企图自杀。但当时Kurt曾留下一张便签，上面有一句话是：“贝克医生说，我必须在生和死之间作个选择，我选择死。”
出院后回到西雅图，他们被媒介的狂轰滥炸搞得狼狈不堪。Kurt开始对涅磐厌倦了。他同Courtney之间也并不融洽，他们时常争吵，3月18日Courtney报警，告诉警察她丈夫把自己反锁在一间屋子里，他拿这一把点三八口径的手枪说要自杀。警察后来没收了这支手枪和其他三把武器，及一瓶难以辨认的药品。
此次事件之后，Courtney和Kurt的朋友们开始策划一场全方位的心理治疗和纠正。作为此次纠正计划的一部分，Courtney威胁说要离开Kurt，Krist和Dave则说如果他不听劝告，他们就要解散涅磐。当时Kurt没有任何反常，他接受了之后Courtney想让他和自己一起飞回洛杉矶，但Kurt要留在西雅图，于是他独自留了下来。
3月30日Kurt来到老友迪伦·卡尔森的住处，向他要一支枪，他号称自己家有非法闯入者。卡尔森陪他到附近的武器店挑了一把雷明顿II20口径猎枪和子弹，约$300，卡尔森结的账。后来Kurt还给了他300元现金。
第二天Kurt飞到矫正中心治疗，呆了两天。4月1日，他给Courtney去了个电话，说“不管发生什么，我想让你知道你录了张非常好的唱片”他指的是Hole乐队的将上市的新专辑。Courtney有些奇怪，问他什么事，他回答“你记住，不管怎么样，我爱你。”
晚上7点，他溜出了医院。得知此一消息的Courtney立即挂失了Kurt的信用卡，以期确定他在何处。她还聘请了一个著名的私人侦探调查Kurt的行踪。
4月2日，住在西雅图Kurt家的男保姆加利见过他一小面，谈了一会儿。以后没人见过他，也没有电话。
4月3日，有人试图使用被挂失的信用卡付账，并试图取出数千现金。
4月4日，Kurt的母亲温蒂到警察局填写了一份失踪报告。同一天有人使用了Kurt的信用卡购买了$86.6的鲜花.
警察相信这几天Kurt一直在城里漫无目的的溜达。有好些人宣称他们在这几天看见过Kurt Cobain，他看上去病兮兮的。
4月6日，侦探Tom Grant和迪伦·卡尔森一起找遍了Kurt可能会去的地方，但音信全无。
4月7日，仍然没有消息。
4月8日，星期五。西雅图一家电子公司的雇员按约前往kurt夫妇的住宅安装保安系统，由于前门没有人应答，他绕道一侧并向屋里张望，看到一具人形倒在地板上。起初他以为是一个塑料模特，但随后便看见其耳朵边有一滩血迹。他立即报了警。
9点40分，西雅图KXRX电台播报了号外，Kurt Cobain自杀的死讯就这样传向世界。
本来关于一个人、一个以他为灵魂的乐队的传记到此就可以结束了，但Kurt留下了一份遗书，
他在其中写到：“这是一个饱经沧桑的傻子发出的声音，他其实更愿作个柔弱而孩子气的诉苦人。……我已经好多年都不能从听音乐、写音乐及读和写中感觉到激愤了。对这些事我感到一种难以形诸文字的负罪感……事实上我无法欺骗你们，无法欺骗你们中的任何一人……我能想起的最大罪恶即是欺骗人们，装模作样……我必须轻度麻木才能够重获我在孩提时代曾有过的热情……在我们所有人中都有善意，我就是太爱人们了。爱的太多以至于让我感到真的太他妈忧郁，一个略微忧郁的、敏感的、不领情的、双鱼座的耶稣式人物！你干嘛不心安理得享受它？我不知道。……我已经没有任何激情了……与其苟延残喘，不如从容燃烧。……”
Nirvana
They came, they saw, they conquered. Nirvana gave us seven short years of glorious chaos, the likes of which will never be seen again. The group had split up at the beginning of April '94 after their long awaited European tour collapsed around them and any thoughts of reconciliation were soon dashed when the body of the tragic singer-songwriter Kurt Cobain was found at his home in Seattle on the morning of Friday the 8th of April.
Months and months of mounting pressure had taken its toll leaving Kurt seeking a final solution to end his pain and suffering through suicide. The reluctant superstar, with one quick pull of the trigger, had cemented both himself, and Nirvana, in-to the rock and roll hall of fame for eternity, something he had always been at pains to avoid. Nirvana were the underdogs band, the revenge of the street punks, a spanner in the works of the corporate machine and the last great band of the nineties. They will be a very hard act to fallow.
The untimely demise of Kurt Cobain was the full stop to complete in the final chapter in the book of the punk revolution. Control was now regained in America. as well as the rest of Europe, the final heavy tour schedule had broken Kurt and knocked the guts out of the group.Half way through a grueling ten months schedule was to become the straw that broke the camels back. Kurt could no longer go on with the endless cycle of depression and pain and, to him, there was only one way out. There are lessons to be learnt from the rise and fall of Nirvana. Enter the machine at your own risk because today it is more stronger than it has ever been, it'll eat you up and spit you out as soon as you have out stayed your use.
Rock and Roll used to be fun, but in the nineties it's no different than joining the army. Cherish the memories of Kurt Cobain the legacy of Nirvana. Support Courtney Love and support the true underground. It's time for change. Ignore the machine. Kurt Cobain rest in peace.
http://www.cfguitar.net/nirvana/geci/unplugged.jpg
About a Girl
I need an easy friend
I do, with an ear to lend
I do, think you fit this shoe
I do, but you have a clue
I'll take advantage while
You hang me out to dry
But I can't see you every night (for) free
I'm standing in your line
I do, hope you have the time
I do, pick a number to
I do, keep a date with you
Come As You Are
Come as you are, as you were
As I want you to be
As a friend, as a friend, as an old enemy
Take your time, hurry up
The choice is your, don't be late
Take a rest as a friend as an old memory
a memory
Come dowsed in mud, soaked in bleach
As I want you to be
As a trend, as a friend, as an old memory
a memory
And I swear that I don't have a gun
No I don't have a gun
Jesus Wants Me for a Sunbeam
Jesus don't want me for a sunbeam
Sunbeams are not made like me
Don't expect me to cry
For all the reasons you had to die
Don't ever ask your love of me
Don't expect me to cry
Don't expect me to lie
Don't expect me to die for thee
The Man Who Sold The World
We passed upon the stairs, we spoke in walls and web
Although I wasn't there, he said I was his friend
Which came as some surprise I spoke into his eyes
I thought you died alone, a long long time ago
Oh no, not me
We never lost control
The face to face
Of the man who sold the world
I laughed and shook his hand, and made my way back home
I searched a far the land, for years and years I roamed
I gazed a gazy stare We walked a million hills
I must have died alone, a long long time ago
Who knows, not me
We never lost control
You're face to face
With the man who sold the world
Pennyroyal Tea
I'm on my time with everyone
I have very bad posture
Sit and drink Pennyroyal Tea
Distill the life that's inside of me
Sit and drink Pennyroyal tea
I'm anemic royalty
Give me a Leonard Cohen afterworld
So I can sigh entern'ly
I'm so tired I can't sleep
I'm anemic royalty
I'm a liar and a thief
I'm anemic royalty
I'm anemic royalty
I'm on warm milk and laxatives
Cherry-flavored antacids
Sit and drink pennyroyal Tea
Distill the life that's inside of me
Sit and drink Pennyroyal tea
I'm anemic royalty
Dumb
I'm not like them
But I can pretend
The sun is gone
But I have a light
The day is done
But I'm having fun
I think I'm dumb
Or maybe just happy
Think I'm just happy
Think I'm just happy
Think I'm just happy
My heart is broke
But I have some glue
Help me inhale
And mend it with you
We'll float around
And hang out on clouds
Then we'll come down
have a hangover, have a hangover
have a hangover
Skin the sun
Fall asleep
Wish away
The soul is cheap
Lesson learned
Wish me luck
Soothe the burn
Wake me up
I think I'm dumb.
Polly
Polly wants a cracker
I think I should get off of her first
I think she wants some water
To put out the blow torch
It isn't me
We have some seed
Let me clip
Your dirty wings
Let me take a ride
Don't hurt yourself
I want some help
To help myself
I've got some rope
You have been told
I promise you
I have been true
Let me take a ride
Don't hurt yourself
I want some help
To help myself
Polly wants a cracker
Maybe she would like more food
Asks me to untie her
A chase would be nice for a few
Polly says her back hurts
And she's just as bored as me
She caught me off my guard
It amazes me, the will of instinct
On A Plain
I'll start this off without any words
I got so high that I scratched till I bled
I love myself better than you
I know it's wrong so what should I do?
The finest day that I've ever had
Was when I learned to cry on command
I'm on a plain
I can't complain
My brother died every night
It's safe to say, don't quote me on that
The black sheep got blackmailed again
Forgot to put on the zip code
Somewhere I have heard this before
In a dream my memory has stored
As defense I'm neutered and spayed
What the hell am I trying to say
It is now time to make it unclear
To write off lines that don't make sense
And one more special message to go
And then I'm done then I can go home
Something In The Way
Underneath the bridge
(The) tars has sprung a leak
And the animals I've trapped
(Have) all become my pets
And I'm living off of grass
And the drippings from the ceiling
(But) it's okay to eat fish
Cause they haven't any feelings
Something in the way
Plateau
Many a hand has scaled the grand old face of the plateau
Some belong to strangers and some to folks you know
Holy ghosts and talk show hosts are planted in the sand
To beautify the foothills shake the many hands
Nothing on the top but a bucket and a mop
And an illustrated book about birds
You see a lot up there but don't be scared
Who needs action when you got words
You've finished with the mop then you can stop
And look at what you've done
The plateau's clean, no dirt to be seen
And the work it took was fun
Many hands began to scan around for the next plateau
Some said it was in Greenland and some say Mexico
Others decided it was nowhere except for where they stood
Those were all just guesses, wouldn't help you if they could
Oh, Me
If I had to lose a mile
If I had to touch feeling
I would lose my soul
The way I do
I don't have to think
I only have to do it
The results are always perfect
But that's old news
Would you like to hear my voice
Sprinkled with emotion
Invented at your birth
I can't see the end of me
My hole expanse I cannot see
Formulate infinity
Store deep inside me
Lake Of Fire
Where do bad folks go when they die
They don't go to heaven where the angels fly
Go to a lake of fire and fry
See them again till the Fourth of July
I knew a lady who came from Duluth
Bit by a dog with a rabid tooth
She ran to a grave just a little too soon
Flew and down on the yellow moon
People cry people moan
Look for a dry place to call their home
Try to find some place to rest their bones
While the angels and the devils
Try to make their own
All Apologies
What else should I be
All apologies
What else should I say
Everyone is gay
What else could I write
I don't have the right
What else should I be
All apologies
In the sun
In the sun I feel as one
In the sun
In the sun
I'm married
buried
I wish I was like you
Easily amused
Find my nest of salt
Everything is my fault
I'll take all the blame
Aqua seafoam shame
Sunburn with freezerburn
Choking on the ashes of her enemy
All in all is all we all are
Where Did You Sleep Last Night
My girl, my girl, don't lie to me
Tell me where did you sleep last night
In the pines, in the pines
Where the sun don't ever shine
I would shiver the whole night through
My girl, my girl, where will you go
I'm going where the cold wind blows
Her husband, was a hard working man
Just about a mile from here
His head was found in a driving wheel
But his body never was found
http://wangdongxu.myetang.com/kurt2.gif
Kurt Cobain的遗书(中文)
致巴达：
这是一个饱经沧桑的傻子发出的声音，他其实更愿做个柔弱而孩子气的诉苦人。这张条子应该很容易理解。所有的警告都来自于这些年来的‘朋克摇滚101’，自从我第一次介入那包含着独立性、应当称为道德原则的东西之后，你们团结一致的拥戴已证明是非常真实的。我已经好多年都不能从听音乐，写音乐以及读和写东西中感到激奋了。对于这些事我感到了一种难以形诸文字的负罪感。比如说，当我们来到后台，灯火熄灭，人们狂躁的咆哮响起，这一切对我的影响就远不如对Freddy Mercury（“QUEEN”乐队主唱，1991年因艾滋病辞世。）影响那么大，他似乎喜欢而且把玩那些从人群中而来的爱与赞美——那正是我赞赏与嫉妒的一切。
事实上我无法欺骗你们，无法欺骗你们中的任何一人。那对你对我都不公平。我能想起的最大罪恶便是欺骗人们，装模作样，做出一副我100%地快乐的样子。
有时候我似乎应当在出场之前有台打卡机。我尽了我全部的力量去喜欢这一切，我的确也喜欢。但这还不够。我喜欢这一事实，即我和我们乐队感染和款待了不少人。我太敏感了。我必须轻度麻醉才能重获我在孩提时代曾有过的热情。在我们最后的三次巡演中，我对所结识的所有的人和我们音乐的歌迷都有了更多的欣赏，但我还是无法克服我对每个人都抱有挫折感、负罪感和同情。在我们所有人中都有善意，我就是太爱人们了！爱的太多以至于让我感到真的太他妈忧郁，一个略为忧郁的、敏感的、不领情的、双鱼座的耶稣式的人物！
我有一个女神般的妻子，她为理想和打动人而拼命努力，我还有个女儿，她让我回忆起我的很多过去，她对那些她遇到的人致以全部的爱和快乐的吻，因为每个人都那么好，而且不会对她有任何伤害。这也让我惊恐万分，以至于我只会瞠目结舌。我没法容忍那种想法，就是弗兰西丝将变成象我这样自我毁灭、走向绝路的摇滚歌手。
我快乐的拥有一切，非常快乐。我充满感激。可自打我7岁以来，我总的来说就对人类充满了仇视，仅仅因为人们似乎太过容易地友好相处，而且还会同情，同情！仅仅因为我觉得自己对人们有太多的爱与同情。从我那燃烧而令人欲呕的胃之深处感激你们所有的人，感激你们在过去岁月里所有的来信和关心。我是个太过反常和抑郁的小子！我已经没有任何激情了，所以要记住“与其苟延残喘，不如从容燃烧！”
和平，爱，同情。
Frances 和 Courtney,
我会伴你们到老
Courtney 请继续前行，
为了 Frances ，为了她的生活
没有我她的生活会快乐许多。
我爱你们！爱你们！！
Kurt Cobain
.........
不准用……来灌水。我贴的那么辛苦！
我不是灌水是看到想~~ZZZZZZ
Kurt Cobain的遗书(中文)
致巴达：
这是一个饱经沧桑的傻子发出的声音，他其实更愿做个柔弱而孩子气的诉苦人。这张条子应该很容易理解。所有的警告都来自于这些年来的‘朋克摇滚101’，自从我第一次介入那包含着独立性、应当称为道德原则的东西之后，你们团结一致的拥戴已证明是非常真实的。我已经好多年都不能从听音乐，写音乐以及读和写东西中感到激奋了。对于这些事我感到了一种难以形诸文字的负罪感。比如说，当我们来到后台，灯火熄灭，人们狂躁的咆哮响起，这一切对我的影响就远不如对Freddy Mercury（“QUEEN”乐队主唱，1991年因艾滋病辞世。）影响那么大，他似乎喜欢而且把玩那些从人群中而来的爱与赞美——那正是我赞赏与嫉妒的一切。
事实上我无法欺骗你们，无法欺骗你们中的任何一人。那对你对我都不公平。我能想起的最大罪恶便是欺骗人们，装模作样，做出一副我100%地快乐的样子。
有时候我似乎应当在出场之前有台打卡机。我尽了我全部的力量去喜欢这一切，我的确也喜欢。但这还不够。我喜欢这一事实，即我和我们乐队感染和款待了不少人。我太敏感了。我必须轻度麻醉才能重获我在孩提时代曾有过的热情。在我们最后的三次巡演中，我对所结识的所有的人和我们音乐的歌迷都有了更多的欣赏，但我还是无法克服我对每个人都抱有挫折感、负罪感和同情。在我们所有人中都有善意，我就是太爱人们了！爱的太多以至于让我感到真的太他妈忧郁，一个略为忧郁的、敏感的、不领情的、双鱼座的耶稣式的人物！
我有一个女神般的妻子，她为理想和打动人而拼命努力，我还有个女儿，她让我回忆起我的很多过去，她对那些她遇到的人致以全部的爱和快乐的吻，因为每个人都那么好，而且不会对她有任何伤害。这也让我惊恐万分，以至于我只会瞠目结舌。我没法容忍那种想法，就是弗兰西丝将变成象我这样自我毁灭、走向绝路的摇滚歌手。
我快乐的拥有一切，非常快乐。我充满感激。可自打我7岁以来，我总的来说就对人类充满了仇视，仅仅因为人们似乎太过容易地友好相处，而且还会同情，同情！仅仅因为我觉得自己对人们有太多的爱与同情。从我那燃烧而令人欲呕的胃之深处感激你们所有的人，感激你们在过去岁月里所有的来信和关心。我是个太过反常和抑郁的小子！我已经没有任何激情了，所以要记住“与其苟延残喘，不如从容燃烧！”
和平，爱，同情。
Frances 和 Courtney,
我会伴你们到老
Courtney 请继续前行，
为了 Frances ，为了她的生活
没有我她的生活会快乐许多。
我爱你们！爱你们！！
Kurt Cobain
很可惜喔...似乎kurt真的是生无可恋了，不知道到死的时候是不是和哥哥抱着一样的想法
以下是引用司徒锦绣在2003-4-23 23:08:02的发言：
我不是灌水是看到想~~ZZZZZZ
司徒太不尊重人家的劳动成果了，毕竟图文并茂的贴不是很多，那么详细的贴也不是经常有。不想打字就“顶”一下，要不就不要回还好，你这样回打击人家对发贴的动力－－－你到底有没有当过斑竹啊！！》
还要...应该把文章发到灌水区.....